GREY NOTEBOOK number ______     december 2008 ! -

28 NOV 2008  -  1 MAR 2009


who killed the electric car?

the blogging revolution - lowenstein 15-minute japanese


lose yourself in smooth radio

red duck sticker

you're on your way back from a climate change action your hand is cold it's hard to write you need to think. thinking and feeling are at a premium following the launch of maternal encounters: certain transactions of thinking and feeling are achieved, certain were not in || blind spots exist, certain transactions are achieved at the expense of others left to pick up the pieces that's what's going on you're on another bus now you're pointing south down the walworth road at the end of the road you seem to see wooded country can that be right? it wasn't a big protest the big speakers couldn't come, again, at the last minute, supposedly, you're approaching east st market the walworth rd is in the grip of recession it's hard it's hard bitten the faces of people stretch, tight it's a tight area, just up from where Les was killed, never seems to change, of course it's changing all the time, filthy buses down cold dirty streets you come to the end of burgess park you're farther south you can see the flowers now tied to the post on the traffic island under the speed camera sign thinking comes hard it's a hard climate right now it seems you lack the ability and the courage you're putting it off you're going to end up in trouble you're going to be in trouble, the couple behind you have resumed their argument why? they couldn't shift it they couldn't disturb the structure of that argument, they're tired of fighting but they've started again, what can you do, nobody gives an inch nobody seems to be able to afford to give, not so much as an inch, in this dispute there is not giving there is no surplus

thursday: shopping in town

hoover - clean and start at bottom

a heat gathering fin for clipping on a copper pipe

I miss you


the lonesome dove 'authentic' cowboy series
mcmurtry [gary s]

h&m wings for sasha

Hermann Daly: steady state economics

Abilimi Bezekaya

waltz of [with] bashir

to do: palm film
audio - normalize?
Naliendele health clinic text darker
COTC 2008 text pixellated
what you do is.. cambera wobble
to school children - don't cut back
is there a difference..? jagged track

..adapt for use in schools.. following abrupt audio up
each of the students: background audio too high
..fearing to do sex activities jagged track
just for examination..background video too quiet
committee we established smooth cut
bertram felix add
insert text in performance
Department of Education, Mtwara Municipal

the african queen

night recording of family: I miss you [x (genes)] 13-12-08

make decorations

still to be invited to sasha's party: nathaniel
iris and becky sasha to call
get cartoon
beaver cake ('decorated')

jobs for week: wrapping paper christmas presents - gaps


you're sitting in the dental institute at king's college hospital waiting to see Mr Stenhouse. they're showing hospital heroes. a person in black boots and a parka is constantly wiping away tears. insiders, nurses, an ambulance man, a doctor, pass comfortably through the doors on the screen they seem to be removing a small flake of bloody jelly a doctor looks at somebody's foot be says smashed to the camera smashed he says it again the foot by the look of it has clearly been smashed the person with the smashed foot and a red t shirt submits to the doctor's jokes, shielding her face ineffectually from the camera avoiding engagement with the smashed limb covering the white bed in blood not yet familiar with this place you were thinking on the way it would be useful to be so near to king's nick brown enters the door at the second call he's all too familiar wearing a gown slippers with his arm in a truss he is grey shattered exhausted looking depressed barely responding to his name barely able to acknowledge the cheerful nurse in a disorientated upper class accent are the lumps in your neck related to the partial paralysis of your hand, you wonder, how advanced is the problem, whatever it is, will mr stenhouse have any idea what it is or what to do we will see I am on antibiotics, a scottish man is shouting

coldharbour lane fruit and veg and meat shop owe £1.30 (from 16/12)

to do
+ dr cath mcdermott
colour bar less opaque
+ I like the way you say polite - too loud
+ so I think what you're saying: too loud
+ cotc 2008 lecture on contraception too big
+ so which one do you prefer? softer cut
+ what you do too loud softer transition
+ chairman, Ngome change
+ Naliendel 2008 change to Mikindani
Mikindani 2008
Headteacher, Naliendele change
Naliendele 2008 public performance

max paracetemol 250g 10pm

get max to start on open D

food [people want]
sat spaghetti bolognese
sun couscous

roast chicken brussels sprouts baked potato roast duck with pears chick peas and salt fish mutton and beans

sasha's party fruit juice popsicles beaver cake

beaver drawings

buy solder

hiking socks sam 36 max 36 sasha 31

nina (7 yrs) football football sock pump/nozzle
paula's bike - repair and service

paula's bike - pick up sat 27th

christmas to do
solder (max)
paper plane manual (max)
warriors (twilight)
art store - our kids saula ivan max: technical drawing geometry set sasha: crayons.pastels
kirkdale bookstore (mon)

Werder's Early Black pp?
Mills Seedling
Merton Renard
other Mertons
Merton Glory
Kentish Red (Acid)
May Duke - partially s-f Kent 2yr bush

send keys to Milners

you pumped up your tyre - through the park and down the hill you enter the area of experience comprised by the buildings outbuildings courts atria reception areas of kings college hospital, you can hardly type, surrounding its core facilities, each time there is a closer relationship with that facility, when you moved to 54 cambria road, among many expectations you did not think the main benefit of your new location would be being so near kings college hospital, this vast matrix of uncertainty you are sitting in the waiting room of suite 3 now waiting for your FNA. people are called by name. it isn't you it isn't you. outside the glass there is an open area with benches which isn't actually open to the sky. at some point no doubt it was an open yard. now it's enclosed. a large decorated christmas tree. people sit on the benches reading the paper, looking at their phone, killing time. suite 3 is full of people waiting. one by one they are called into rooms. you're thirsty aren't you thirsty? all that eating and drinking everything's quite normal every now and again person lifts their hand up and holds their forehead they press their eyelids tightly together as if to squeeze something out everybody is here we're all physically present delay is the source of the thickening that occurs in the texture of this experience the whiteboard says all the clinics are running on time delay is the norm the roll of names recalls the naming

Dr Khan

sam: mechanical drawing pencil and paper pad
max: cutting mat? tech stuff
paula: bag
sasha: pastels/crayons
saul: casting stuff
ivan: modelling stuff

Dr Khan is sticking a needle in your neck

11.30 dec 23 08 you're waiting to see Katherine George you're waiting for the results of the FNA performed by Dr Khan the list is full you've been fitted in you expect to wait you see Katherine George come to the door it's not you you don't have a present for your father or mother you see the nurse come out who manages the list slowly cross the floor with a sheet of paper in her hand the room is filling up maybe a nesting box for birds would that be right? what about a juicer? a stylish young house officer saunters out, followed by a pregnant house officer or registrar one with a studied sceptical expression, one faintly smiling, you back to the TV most people are watching - not the woman in lime green jumper a brisk south african registrar appears, clearly enjoying his job, he heads off stiffly followed by his patient a gangsta guy in shades and a check scarf is talking to reception name after name now passes to examination not you an old person in a headscarf and puffa jacket with face

bird box
hob kettle

drop in on bob on NY
?card to jill
bexley-on-sea (Mendelsohn)\bungayballsup
farmer paul

green smoke book recommended by alex

marion's poly dome

meeting w becky about plan for year

discussion btw 2 people eg simon and grant: 2 people with a pile of books and their laptops
discuss for video/audio and even possible camera angles:


outdoor meetings at equivalent of speakers corner at which a discussion takes place
public socratic dialogues

drawing of an hourglass

hardstanding 54 cambria road
plan as base for building shed

family plan 2009
sasha: horse riding w london, green tag, ballet exams ?grade 1 violin
max: cello grade 2, maybe grade 3, red tag / red belt?
sam: computer programming; scratch; applestore; nicola and angie; music - jam session w joel? learning objectives to be agreed w becky and everybody; black belt?

check on polar exploration film

16.5V x 3.65 A = 60.225 W
Maplin ref no. NA808854

Frank Hurley 1919 South: Ernest Shackleton and the Endurance Expedition
ordered from lovefil, [m]

look at report on sex ed in Tanzania

get allotment key cut

scott walker: farmer in the city: remembering pasolini

sapere stuff for angie

sidebar links
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rollover 60% spring
visited iron

download links
normal cayenne 80%
rollover Al
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menu bar
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except tag for current page, which is tangerine

in text links
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outpatient neurology
(Dr Barnes)
Vicki Williams (reg.)
→ nerve conduction study
→ appointment in 3 months

PaLM site to do
text for Mtwara contexts
edit sustainable dev > solar
check all 'contact' tabs
resource page: add links
check links

duck w pears

prime time due back on sunday

curtain diagram

external insulation: get quote

double glazing - follow up qote

check w kelly about meeting around late jan > while at landmark trust?

agricultural fleece as an under curtain [or for quilting]

sasha's balance on 1/1/2009 £87.95 - £31 ipod shuffle

dynamic objects - sketchup - investigate

order new mini dv - vga converter for new macbook

*some translations from the chinese or the swahili in which, amid a series of apparently pragmatic sayings, a series of clearly nonpragmatic sayings is inserted - in eg sayings of a kind that might reflect the aesthetic uncertainties or the political unspokens or the ethnic unspeakables ?

when the fire begins to roar, first hum then roar, in the cold room, in the cold stove you reach a pause: what happens, so spontaneously so compellingly and irresistibly, as if no qualifications(s), then? Tu Fu territory, once more

you tear the last piece of paper out and burn it

immediately you are hiding evidence, you think, this is about the neurologist Vicki Williams afrer a long time of not touching anybody, first

the endless chain of ignorance

when challenged as to eg: why are you chopping that wood? the answer: I don't know. to heat the house; it's cold, isn't it?
eg so you don't know any other source?
another [?]
it's too dark to see now
this is how it will be

your neck was being touched intensively but no further effects, but then the neurological examination with Vicki Williams.. after the quite bland discussion about death with Katherine George, there was a programme of stroking, pricking and 'you pull me now I push you' with VW, what was that like a new life, a new sex what is that thing? you're writing .. in complete darkness

1. that artist Jarr? form chile said: Gramsci says: the intellect is pessimistic; but the will is optimistic.

the other thing I forget

William Carlos Williams

can't remember
lying in bed with somebody who'd prefer you weren't there is not a fun experience
you prefer to lie alone on a hard cold floor

lucida sans

milners 35 longfor gre champion hill se5 8bx

shed sketch
3 sketches

the electronic wizard apprenticeship

now you're living. you're really living now. the lump in your neck is a fibrosed lymph gland the cells extracted by Dr Khan on the third attempt with his needle do not appear to be cancer cells, from what he could see on first quick examination under, as he said, a better microscope than this. downstairs you can hear s coughing his careful asthmatic cough. Vicki Williams thinks the numbness in your arm is from leaning on your elbow. Vicki Williams stroked your fingers she pricked the outside of your fingers lightly with a pin, she felt fairly sure it was the ulnar nerve she felt fairly sure it was damage at the elbow did you lean on your elbow you did, that could be the reason, you had to pull against her and push against her she held your hands tightly you had to push and pull hard she braced herself, she was strong Vicki Williams she tested the reflexes in your arms with a rubber mallet, you sat on the couch, she called it, for that, don't lean on your elbow, she said some people put a ball in their sleeve to remind them, some people wear a brace

you had mixed feelings, looking at your filthy hands and nails from chopping and carrying wood, lying on your back holding this little notebook on the monday morning of 5 january 09 everybody will be back at work you can hear the traffic starting up at 6 o clock in the morning you can not imagine how you will get through the week not to say the year you can't imagine you're going to build a shed you're going to work you're going to start showing work again how will that happen you have no idea you lay awake worrying about the wooden lintel so close to the stovepipe it won't pass building regulations the first plane is going over now it won't come anywhere close to passing building regulations it's a combustible material it should be 3 x the diameter of the flue pipe from the flue pipe it's a couple of centimetres, or 1 1/2 times if the combustible material has been treated you could treat it with fire retardant it wouldn't pass would it be safe? would it stop you coming back one day with the house on fire flames licking up in to the loft devouring all your work all everything it's all here in this house none of it leaves this house you can't find a way to get it out its freezing its a cold winter day after day freezing the little stove gives out little heat burning green wood it's all you can get p ordered some ecologs they won't be here for 10 to 14 days everyone wears outdoor clothes in the house last night you took off your clothes you were wearing four wool sweaters and a hat p was working wrapped in a quilt like thomas bernhard's grandfather writing his philosophy belted in his horse blanket the night before you were watching a film about Yohji Yamamoto the children were in bed by the fire for warmth you and p were wrapped up one in a quilt one in a thick piece of heavy material from the scrap scheme house prices fell the economy, as they say collapsed while you were working on this house you have no money to put in central heating you're living in a freezing unheated house in the middle of winter you look ahead it's at least 3 months before it starts to warm up youre in trouble you don't see a way out your work doesn't offer a way out because your work is the reflection of your amorphous life it's a problem you can't get a handle on it's the old set of problems you can not package or divide up the work is the extension of those problems it is impossible to the extent: on first discovering the lump in your neck your first feeling was relief you submitted to the procedures arranged at the earliest possible moment with equanimity mournfully but without resistance you moved through the more serious probing investigations with a sense of relief: finally this might stop; an end was in sight, for the first time, to the sorry mess of this life, which you had never come to grips with with which you show no signs of coming to grips all you can do is model the human being you're meant to be in these roles of parent teacher backyard builder underneath a fundamental incapacity grips you it plagues you


order printer cartridges (real canon ones)


pink grapefruit


you wake up you’re tired you’re heavy everybody’s up they’re making breakfast they’re putting away the bedding they’re arguing you’re going to fill the skip it’s cold p is at the end of her tether where to start to dig out of this mess this obstacle youre in you wake every morning in to this obstacle and every day fail to shift it how can you shift from within an obstacle downstairs the fire is going out: o the fire, says p, at her wit’s end, shut up everybody is saying shut up they hit each other p is on the edge of tears she’s in tears you’re so horrible both of you she is saying to m and s, I don’t understand, she says, as she s weeps, I don’t understand


sam’s birthday

brisinger - Paolini
Selznick book


Helen Cardrick ✔
54 Elfindale Rd
SE24 9NW

joined by feb 2008
joined oct 07


Matthew - ?

southampton way

cgg 6-1-09

letters on renewal - amount same £27
centre bed - stephen maugham
updated lists ➔ pat f.
to do: note on board about sending subs
email dick: lunch 12.30 for 1 pm union jack club
next meeting 3 feb 09


book eye appointment
book appointment w gp fo sam’s asthma ✔


2-6 tablets in 30ml water is severe wheezing ✔


contact gp to review steroid inhaler dose (which is rel. low)
should not be using the blue inhaler more than twice a week


buy a 3m vga cable and longer phono lead ✔


mikindani primary school - working with last year’s graduates ✔


pupils role playing

head teacher Naliendele = band


a+j (M) 07549926574


Lindy order no. 667443
8 jan 09 £22.13


mon 10 AM bees

holly leaf miners


awake objects! awake